Is My Slogan of “happy by choice” Toxic Positivity?
I designed t-shirts with a happy face logo that say around the border “happy by choice”. It was a fun little project I leaned into, after going through a divorce and a season of re-evaluating every area of my little life. I was overwhelmed and exhausted, yet still grateful. I believed firmly that happiness was my choice. It was messy, it was complicated, and I definitely made mistakes along the way. But one thing rang true for me in those months and years of loneliness- that I refused to stay a broke, sad, single mom. I deserved more than that, and so did my children.
Happiness is oftentimes a choice, but there’s no rushing someone to get there. Happiness is a result of choosing gratitude, of shifting the mind toward what is true. The truth is what sets us free. Happy by choice does not mean that we are happy all of the time, it means that when trials and difficult times hit us, that we are willing to also hold onto the truth that there are good things happening for us, and that hope for change still exists. It is more difficult, in my opinion, to hold both of these virtues to be true at once: the reality of what is and also the hope of what could be. In any situation, I find myself able to find something to anchor myself to, something good and true. There’s a good and true spirit of God/The Divine/Source whatever you want to call it, that is always accessible to us along our way. There are good people out there, there are opportunities for growth, there are new experiences to be had.
I think that “happy by choice” is similar to the “good vibes only” concept, which also sometimes gets a bad wrap. I had a friend tell me that my “good vibes only” t-shirt was in that category of catchy but potentially destructive phrases. When asked why, she said it should be “all vibes, not just the good ones”. Perhaps it depends on what situation we are talking about here? We are not saying good feelings only, we are saying good vibrations. And isn’t any authentic, truthful feeling and situation a “good vibration”? Say you’re crying and hurt, and you go to your friend and say, “hey can we circle back on something that was said, I’m feeling kind of sad about it.” And you cry, the friend listens, and you work it out. Isn’t that a good vibration? Good communication? Authentic love? Redemption? Isn’t that a small representation of humanity in its complex yet triumphant form?
It isn’t “happy vibes only” or “smile all the time.” It is “good vibrations only”. And good vibrations are the ones that mirror the fruits of the spirit:
Love
Joy
Peace
Patience
Kindness
Goodness
Gentleness
Faithfulness
Self-control.
Is anger a good vibration? Depends on the intention behind it. Is it healthy anger of wanting peace and not having received it? Or watching someone being mistreated? Or anger over the fight for something just, true, kind? Then I’d argue yes, that is a good vibration of anger. The nuance lies in the intention behind the feeling, vibration or action, not the feeling itself.
So when I wear my t-shirt that says “good vibes only”, I read it to mean that I want authenticity, truth, peace, love. When the more difficult vibrations and emotions come along in life, as they certainly do, I will continually choose to turn toward gratitude, toward hope, toward truth. I am no fool and this sometimes takes time, takes trial and error, takes missteps along the way. But the truth holds the power. The truth sets us free. And any vibration that is felt and held in truth, is a good vibration. I’ll do my best to remain in my own good vibrations, and to stay “HAPPY BY CHOICE”.
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