Crying at the piano
Staring at your picture
My son
Sweet young babies
It is sad
We have lost
But I promise you it’s better.
I did this for you
I left
I fought
We are figuring it out
We still have each other
You are my reasons
I dug down and found grit for you four
It was only later I realized I needed it too.
I never knew my heart could expand four times
I have such a deep and unique love for you all
So different. So brilliant. So beautiful.
Like 4 of the best flowers
Like 4 breathtaking sunsets
Each one shining
Bright
Proud
Captivating
That is how I feel toward you
And you’ll get it more when you parent
It’s incredible the love I have
I’d climb a mountain
I actually did.
The hardest thing I’ve done is leave your dad and stand up for more and better.
I don’t regret it.
It’s sad but it’s right.
Let all the good from all the good people come in and invade our hearts and lives.
Out with the destruction.
From the ashes we rise.
I stand proud. Honest.
Worn down but worthy of great love.
Ready for this adventure.
You’re so innocent. So perfect in innocence.
So deserving of a whole family that loves you.
I hate that I cannot give it to you.
But the cold hard truth is that life has its seasons.
That is what we had then.
It was a mess but it was family.
Now you have 2 homes.
2 birthdays
2 christmases.
I tried to avoid it.
But life surprises you
and 17 year olds don’t know much of anything.
They lack substance and experience.
I planned my whole life based on my 17 yr old knowledge and it failed me.
Now I know better. I’m smarter.
I know our needs and I know I can do this on my own.
Not by stubbornness or default or spite.
But because I have to. I just do. And you’re worth it all.
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